PINS - Rule Fifty-three: A Good Giggle
(That fish is not dead, I’m telling thee, it likes swimming sideways.)
Games can be fun. And PINS is no exception. Even though PINS is a game based on a lot of concentration, and some detailed map reading, we can remember back to Rule 21, when we learnt about a… “Great Rule for Firing! : --
Estimate distance and write it down - then put measure stick end on that distance! - And place burst circle on other device.
Can be used for cannon and ships.
----- Great!
______________”
As you can see that rule caused a lot of pleasure because it ended up on the back of a sheet of headed paper from work. Making terrain for PINS gives pleasure, too, especially from old egg boxes, as we found out from an article in a 1971 edition of Miniature Warfare. You can make proper grenadier busbies, too, from cotton wool dipped in Airfix glue.
So get Rene to bring one of his hams round. And go across the road and get a jug of mixed.
You can also have a cheap giggle and make your own hooch, pour half a bottle of lemonade and half a bottle of brandy into a third bottle, and give everything a good shake. Then neck what you can. Later, going over the Tyne Bridge, the city explodes into a thousand atoms of light and colour. Even seeing your septuagenarian landlord get into a club, and you getting hoyed out, doesn’t mean that much any more. Why don’t you just stay in this city?
There have been plenty of times when you’ve had a good giggle regardless - just an afternoon playing darts in the local, even if you could have lumped him one for leaving his little lad unattended to wander off and get lost in a used car showroom. Or the time he brought the place to a standstill telling everyone it was Yuri Gagarin that bent spoons with his brain, when it was the other fellow. So just put a couple more biscuits on the plate and we can turn the radiogram on if you’re good.
He’s a daft apeth you know with two radios on at the same time, one in here and one in the kitchen, and he can’t hear either of them! Silly old bugger!
Well you can’t get cornflakes abroad you know, so I pack loads of boxes of ’em before I go. They’re weird abroad. Imagine no cornflakes - shut up you stupid dog! - anyway I have to pack them in a separate suitcase and I make sure I have it close by me so that no one crushes them or looks at them, or confiscates them. They have milk over there so you can make do. I’d have to come home if they didn’t, I couldn’t go abroad without cornflakes. AC DC! - ooh - shut it! Daft animal - fantastic band, now and again if you tune your radio right when you’re abroad you can hear English radio! Your round!
“Do you know the way to Shingay-Cum-Wendy?” [We try not to laugh.]
Stick a brush on his back; he’ll go round the estate saying, “The Moon’s a balloon!” Daft beggar.
Twiddlin’ wi’ t’wires!
“There's some million things, That we could do this evening…” / Oh he’s such a silly sausage! / Your mother was so embarrassed she walked out. / Imagine charging your cousin for a drink at your own bar! He was all front, that one.
I’ll have two ounces of your famous duff and a pipe to match.
Remember getting chased by those two Rottweilers on that farm? On the way to the Rollerama? Good times!
That fella who cornered you and claimed poverty because he had to resort to pickling his veg at night. You couldn’t keep a straight face. Going round the estate at night, knocking on doors, you’d meet some right rum people.
Look at him shaking his head in the corner, he thinks he’s Paul McCartney. He taught maths at a school but it got to him. He’s in a love triangle with them two who breed horses. He’s never been right since.
Don’t turn around
I won’t have to look at you
And what’s not found
Is all that I see in you
My manners are failing me
I’m left feeling ugly
And you say it’s wonderful
To live with I never will!
You know life can be tough at times, but you have to have a good giggle now and again. You’d go to ruin otherwise.
An accompanying post to this Rule, with relevant illustrations, can be found in the Museum of Photocopies.